So again, it’s been awhile, but I’m stuck here not able to sleep as my mind travels to many different places. I was waiting all day to be able to go to sleep and then I get here and the brain kicks into overdrive. I’m not real sure where my thoughts are tonight, but it’s always easier to write them out as opposed to talking them out. 

First off, I don’t know if I’m getting sick or something else is going on. Normally I wouldn’t think twice about it, but I’ll admit it, I’m paranoid. Ever since I found out the cancer is not gone every little thing makes me worry and it’s no fun. For example, for the past couple of weeks, my body gets to a point where it is achy and I feel flu like sick, but it always comes and goes. It’s been tough at work because I’m constantly busy and there are some points where I just have to stop because I feel like I might pass out or vomit. I don’t know what brings it on, but some days are worse than others. My glands in my neck have recently become sore almost like a stiff neck but very sensitive to the touch. I know I have to communicate these things with my doctors, but I haven’t yet. Quite frankly, I just don’t want to schedule more appointments. I know this is bad of me, but again I don’t know if it is me being paranoid or I should be concerned about something. It truly is a tough thing to do, just sit around and wait and how for the best. I’ve been able to stay pretty optimistic for the most part,  but I can’t explain how incredibly incredibly difficult it has been. 

My medication has still been a work in progress as I like to call it. I was on synthroid 175, but I was feeling way outta whack. After blood work came back, my TSH level was at a 27 when my doctors want it around a 0.5. Needless to say have been bumped up to synthroid 200 and also put on 12.5mg of Cytomel twice a day. I have noticed some changes which have been positive, but I still struggle with simple tasks,  such as this morning, instead of putting toothpaste my tooth brush, I put hand soap on instead. No, I didn’t not brush my teeth with it, I realized before I put it in my mouth what I had done. It’s still the point that tasks I do on a daily basis which could be routine are the ones I have the most problems with. 

My vision has been another issue which I would like to resolve itself. Before radiation, I had an ulcer in my right eye that caused me some issues. Well, couple that with the fact the radiation has affected my vision, and I find myself struggling to see. The doctor believes that the sight will come back, but in the meantime I just have to go with what I got which is terrible. I’ve worn my glasses more in the past month than I have in the past 3 years. I’m just thankful that my glasses still work so well!

So, this too shall pass, but with my mind spinning over so many things, you can see why some nights become difficult to fall asleep. Thanks for letting me rant, it really does let me release some stress which is very nice. Next doctor’s appointments,  I have 2 in December 4th and then we see where it goes from there! 

Love to you all, until next time! 

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