Today has been a little rough. I visited my 4th hospital in 2 weeks! So far I’ve been to Glenbrook, Highland Park, Evanston, and Skokie hospitals. It’s been a lot of driving and getting up early to try to be at work as much as possible as I am trying to balance everything in my life right now.
I went for my Lymph node mapping/staging ultrasound this morning and it was more cumbersome then I thought it would be. I had to turn my head in different positions so the tech could reach all the different nodes which ranged from my jaw line, to behind my ears, down to my collarbone and everywhere in between. By the time I was done I had the gel everywhere and i’m pretty sure it is still in my hair at this point. My neck is a little sore from it, but nothing That can’t be tolerated.
The part that gets me is the tech said they would send the images out to be read and my doctor should get the results sometime today. But then I was told it could be a day or two before I hear anything. Now, this may be me reading into things, but if he did in fact get the results today and I didn’t hear from him, then do I take that as 1) it is good news and he felt he didn’t need to call right away, 2) bad news that he is just going to prolong it for a day since we can’t do anything right now anyways, or 3) he didn’t get the results until way later and didn’t have time with his busy schedule to give me a call today. You see where my mind travels?? These are the crazy things I think about that prevent me from sleeping.
Tomorrow afternoon I go see yet another doctor, this one is the endocrinologist. To be completely honest, I can’t even remember why I am seeing her. I know she is a gland specialist and that she is part of, what seems to be, my ever growing “medical team”, but I don’t know what we will actually be talking about tomorrow.
So as the waiting continues, so does the mind racing, wandering thoughts, and sleepless nights. Sometimes I feel that by trying to keep myself educated with everything, I in turn make myself more nervous as well. Don’t get me wrong, I want to know as much as possible and all the information on the American Cancer Society website is very informative, but everything I read is just one more thing for me to watch for. This feeling of fear and anxiety for answers shall pass, but for now they remain at the front of my thoughts until they can be confirmed one way or another!
Love you ALL!