I’ve never been one to write or express my thoughts out loud. But in light of recent events, I find my mind overwhelmed with too much information. My hopes are that this blog will not only keep you up to date, but also allow me to clear my head.
June 26th, 2013 will be a day that I will never forget. I was at work like usual and had been very nervously/impatiently waiting for a call from my doctor with my biopsy results which was conducted on Monday. When the phone call finally came, I was unable to answer as I was busy on my work phone. As I went to listen to the message, never once did it cross my mind that it would be anything but positive news. I could tell my doctor was uncomfortable in her message and knew the news was not good when she suggested that I come in as soon as I could to discuss the test results and that it might be a good idea if I brought someone with me. At this point I began to shake and think I was in a little bit of shock at first that the positive news I thought I was sure to get had now turned into the negative that I never dreamed could happen. I called her back and she insisted that it might be better to come in and discuss the results, but I insisted that I just needed to know and I was ok to hear the news over the phone. She started with, “We don’t know why these things happen and from your ultrasound, age, and no family history, I didn’t think we would get any other result from the biopsy except benign. However it came back as a malignant tumor.” I don’t think I said anything at this point, I didn’t know what to say. What do you say?
After I got off the phone, I’ll admit, I broke down. The only thought process that went through my mind was I have cancer and I am only 27 years old. It didn’t make sense, it didn’t seem right and it wasn’t real to me. I didn’t leave work though. I could not get in my car and drive the hour home by myself, I had to keep myself distracted and work did that for me. I eventually went home when work was done and was so drained, I couldn’t think, I just wanted to go to bed.
I have found sleeping to be the most difficult since then. I’m so tired, but I just can’t seem to fall asleep.
Seeing the specialist this past Friday hasn’t made things any easier. Don’t get me wrong, all the information was good, but it was a lot, and it was really the first time I felt truly overwhelmed with everything. I know the next couple steps that need to be taken which starts Monday July 1st. I will be going for a lymph node mapping and staging ultrasound which will show 1) if the cancer has spread outside the thyroid to the lymph nodes and 2) what stage the cancer is in. Then, on Tuesday, July 2nd, I will meet with the endocrinologist for more talks about what the game plan will be.
That is all that is scheduled for now, but there will be more to come. So for now the waiting continues and the nerves remain uneasy, but all I can do at this point is take it one step at a time and try to keep my mind out of the clouds as best as possible. Though it has not been easy by any stretch of the word thus far, the amazing support and prayers from family and friends alike has been simply humbling. You guys are all my rock and keep me thinking positive. I’m on a crazy journey and would like all of you to continue to help me through!