I’ll get to the title in a minute, but figured I’d go through my day first since I’m going to go on a rant here in a minute. I messed up a little today with my medication which I guess I will still have to get used to. I’m supposed to take my medicine first thing when I wake up in the morning with lots of water and then I’m not supposed to eat anything for an hour after. Especially nothing with high calcium or iron content as it can negate the synthroid from working properly. Well got up, took my little purple pill, let Bandit outside, and not even thinking grabbed a yogurt. It didn’t quite hit me until about 1.5-2 hours later when I went through all the side effects at one time, the heart racing, dizziness, blurry vision, hot flashes, it’s a terrible feeling to all happen at once. I had started to do a little better with the medicine where I would only get maybe one side effect at a time and they lasted for a shorter period of time, so I’m hoping my little slip up today doesn’t change any of my progress come tomorrow.
While that little mishap knocked me down a little this morning, I was able to do a little more today and stay awake for longer periods of time. This was awesome, but I sure am feeling it now. I’ve done more talking today than in previous days and I can tell you my voice HURTS. Yes my voice, not my throat. It’s a weird feeling that I don’t know how to describe, but definitely different than a sore throat. Like I said though, I think it’s a good thing to be doing more, but I think I will have to scale back the talking a little bit still. I also had couple people tell me today that they can’t believe how great my scar looks for only being 6 days out of surgery. I don’t like it, I think it is gross and looks disgusting because it is so raised, but I do have to admit it is healing faster than any of my knee scars ever did! I feel a little self conscience about it though as I find myself trying to hide it if I’m talking with someone. As weird as it is and as many scars as I have on my body, I’m just not on with this one yet.
Wow that was actually a long little update before my rant, so I will try to keep the rant short, but the mind is running on overdrive right now so I need to get it out. The pathology report… Where do I begin. I guess there is always some kind of hope that it will come back and say Oh by the way it was not a cancerous tumor, but no sadly that didn’t happen. The question and the frustration now turns to the radiation. My surgeon has deferred to my endo doctor as to whether or not we will proceed to radiation. This is the part am having trouble with. It was made known before surgery that even though they take the tumor and the thyroid out, there is still the possibility that cancerous cells could remain that are not noticeable so they do the radiation to make sure they get anything that could be left behind. Now the surgeon is letting the endo figure out if they should or shouldn’t do radiation based on him saying “everything looked pretty good, now we just watch it and see”. NO! Let’s not go back and forth on the original plan because my plan from the get go is go in, get it out, zap it with radiation, and never have to worry about it again. I will take a week of physical hell over months of mental stress, wondering and waiting for test results when I get checked again. I want to be done with it, I want to make sure it is completely out never to come back. It’s taken enough of a mental toll on me already just having to know I will always check the damn cancer box on health history forms. I don’t need the worry, hassle, or anything else that comes with this right now. Ughhhhhhh!
I think I am done with my frustration for now, thank you for listening! I just want to be done, I just need it to be done and getting so many doctors opinions on this and that is just hard because it is my body, it will always be my body, and I want you to be able to tell me my body is for a fact 100% cancer free, and the only way we get to that point is to go through with the radiation and do a scan, then at that point will be able to sleep and maybe feel a little at ease, but until you can tell me for sure that I am 100% cancer free (which no one had said those words to me), then I am going to remain frustrated!
Love to you all, until tomorrow!